Confidence is such an important part of how others perceive you – it helps you make friends, land jobs and feel like an overall more positive, happy person. But why is being confident in ourselves such a difficult concept for some of us to grasp? We let our minds get so completely consumed by self doubt and fear of what others may think of us that we put ourselves down and deem ourselves ‘not good enough’ before we even leave the house in the morning.

I could sit here and blame social media for our false perception of what real beauty looks like, but the truth is, even before Instagram, we still couldn’t help but to compare ourselves to others and how they looked and what they had that we didn’t. Every little comparison chips away at our confidence bit by bit.

When I was growing up, I was SO self conscious about my appearance (ps. It was NOTHING like the 15 year olds of today, that’s for sure). I went through an awkward stage that must have lasted at least a decade, and I can remember crying myself to sleep some nights being so upset and angry that I wasn’t one of the pretty girls at school – it. wasn’t. fair.

But, I’m not just talking about being confident in how you look. Some days at work, even after high praise, I get so down on myself that I feel like I don’t even deserve my title or paycheck. Some days I feel like a terrible writer. Some days I feel like a complete fraud.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the thing we struggle with the most is being our own source of validation. Why is it that when someone else tells us that we’re pretty, competent, hard-working, intelligent, funny, talented that we’re more likely to believe them than when we try to convince ourselves those things are true?

Even worse, I think we tend to believe all the offhand comments that we perceive as negative and not believe the heartfelt accolades meant to lift us up. Why is it easier to dwell on a critique than to accept a compliment? While I can’t tell you what it is that makes so many of us so cripplingly self-critical, I can tell you that it definitely helps to know you’re not alone in your doubt. And, you have to remember that even those who seem overly self-assured might honestly just be good at faking it.

So, now that we’re addressing the problem head-on, what is it that we can do to authentically boost our own self-esteem and keep it on the up-and-up? It always helps to do the things that instinctively make you feel good, healthy and happy. Here are a few ideas:

1. Work out: not only does hitting the gym improve your health and appearance, but the endorphins released make you FEEL better instantly
2. Get your hair done: sometimes even just snipping off the dead ends will make all the difference
3. Go shopping: some flattering new clothes will remind you how much you love your body
4. Get out of your comfort zone: take a class, join a club, go on a date – sometimes just doing something out of the ordinary makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something
5. Read a book: the self-help section can really change your perspective – ‘You are a Badass at Making Money’ is my current read
6. Hang out with friends: the best kind of friends are the ones that know just how to lift you up and make you comfortable to just be yourself
7. Have a glass of wine: some call alcohol ‘liquid courage’, but ‘liquid confidence’ works too
8. Celebrate your little successes: know when to pat yourself on the back and be proud of yourself, whether you run your fastest mile or start your own blog (wink wink)
9. Figure out what love most about yourself: write it down, repeat it to yourself in the mirror and continue to remind yourself everyday of all your best assets
10. Ask others what they love about you: if you need some help identifying your own strengths, it’s always nice to hear what the people around you think they are
11. Let go of the past: inhale all the positive vibes and exhale all the negativity you’re holding onto
12. Help others: it forces you to put someone else’s needs first and makes you more thankful for all the good thing in your life – plus, it feels good to make a difference

Everyone has something that automatically boosts their self-confidence. For me, it’s putting on an outfit that I feel I look good in. It’s amazing the difference in my personality when I go out and face the world (either at work or social events) in an outfit I’m unsure about vs. when I absolutely love my outfit. I’m more inclined to strike up conversations with strangers and also have this renewed happy energy about me that I think makes the more approachable.

When I was photographing this look, we got the pictures that we needed in just a few short takes because my whole body language changed from awkward and uncomfortable to relaxed and assured.

So, the trick is to find out what it is that makes you feel better about yourself and use it to your full advantage on days when you see yourself get particularly down. Leave a comment and let me know what works best for you!

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“If you are insecure, guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you think.” — T. Harv Eker

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